I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
