I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
