He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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