thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
