I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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