Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
