I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
