Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
