All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize