it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
