Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
