i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
