All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
