I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
