Well apparently he's into motor boating.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
