Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize