I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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