Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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