did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize