Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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