I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
