sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
