my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize