roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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