Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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