My hand turned me down
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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