Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
