They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
