God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
