The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
