the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize