Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
