mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
