I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
