I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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