you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
