dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
