they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
