I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How's work?
Spinning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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