Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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