he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
