Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
