I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
