Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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