these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
