How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Im part way to drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
