just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
