if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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