distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize