OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
