I think my fart just growled at me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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