I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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