just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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