Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
