there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
