I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
