How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
