A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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