fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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