I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
