I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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