You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
