OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
