So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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