I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
